Tuesday, August 17, 2004

WHY I DON'T GO TO BALLS

I went to a ball before, it was a Unit Ball when my husband was still active duty.  It wasn't just the usual dining out, it was a BALL!  And I was expected to wear a gown, not just a dress.  I had never been to a ball before.  In fact I hadn't even been to a high school prom, so I was very excited.

My husband bought me a beautiful purple lace 2 piece formal skirt outfit.  It was the most beautiful outfit I had ever worn besides my wedding dress.  I wanted to do my hair up, but the last time I had my hair done it cost $72 for a do that wilted half way through the party, so I decided to do a temporary home perm.  I bought the rollers, the solution, and got to work.  Unfortunately when your hair is 3 feet long it takes a long LONG time to set.  My husband had to help out because I thought my arms were going to drop off.

So, while I'm waiting for my hair to dry, I began to get ready.  Next thing on the list, press on nails!  I use super glue to make sure they stay on good, and then I polish the nails a deep wine color that matches my outfit.  Next, apply prefab face.  That goes on without a hitch and I was actually ahead of schedule, which was good being as I was about to encounter every problem in the book.

 

Did you know that it is almost impossible to put on control top panty hose with press-on nails?  I learned that the hard way.  In the end I had to enlist the help of my husband.  I went through 2 pairs due to popping holes from my perfect plum colored Lees.  And... if I thought rolling my hair was hard, I was about to experience something even worse... UNROLLING my hair!  After the last curler was removed I looked like Bozo the clown!  I tried wetting down my hair but it hardly made a difference.  It didn't help that my husband stood by barely able to contain his laughter.

I ended up clipping my hair down and it almost looked like I had actually intended to look that way, so I still went to the hotel feeling good about myself.  We sat with people I had never met before, but I had on my Lee press-on nails, and I felt marvelous!  I ate my dinner in between animated conversations in which I waved my hands and flashed my beautiful nails.  Towards the end of the meal I excused myself to go to the restroom.  When I moved to wash my hands I saw to my complete dismay that my nails were full of baked potatoes and sour cream from my dinner.  Not being used to the extra length of my new nails I had evidently gouged the spud on my plate more than once and was no doubt flashing it around the table during my dinner conversation.  No wonder everyone was laughing.  And there I was thinking I was being witty.

That was the last time I wore artificial nails, and my last ball.  And so while I love a good party, I don't do well at balls and will have to sit the Cyber-ball out.  To the elected court, my congratulations, but Cinderella will just have to read about this one the day after.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

LMAO Poor Dorn! You looked smashing though!

Anonymous said...

I think you need to go to a new ball so you can erase the entertaining one with good memories! From the pic, I think your hair looked marvelous!!! -=)

I just wanted to add that I really dig all your journals.  I get my giggles nearly everytime I read them.  -=)

Anonymous said...

yeah sounds like you did not have a cindedrella dream ball. that soudns like me. I am not a nail person. If I ever work fake nails I am sure they would have a catastrophe happen to them Lori

Anonymous said...

hehehehehehe......................maybe you and I could catch a cyber flick somewhere....we can read about all the Ball activities afterwards...

E

Anonymous said...

haha aw I can not tell u how many times I thought I was being witty and ended up  I just had something on my face :)

http://journals.aol.com/aangelisqt/dontgoquietly/


beth

Anonymous said...

Dorn........you look fabulous!  Love the hair, dress and yes, the nails!!
I'm with you on the nails......I had
mine done for a wedding.....but left
the fakies on long enough for my REAL nails
to grow behind the fake ones.......then took them off and now I get
my real nails done........and put tons of hardners
on them so they don't break......but am constantly
looking behind them to make sure lunch or dinner
didn't get stuck on the nails LOL ;-)

~jerseygirl
http://journals.aol.com/cneinhorn/WonderGirl    

Anonymous said...

I agree with Aiibrat...you need a new ball experience to replace the old ball experience...and here in cyberspace  nothing can go wrong! ? :)

Thanks for sharing your 1st ball with us...I'm sure it wasn't funny at the time...but oh did I have a couple of good laughs reading about it!

Vivian

Anonymous said...

The first time I wore the Lee Press on nails I was a teenager.  Was baby sitting for the first time for friends of the family.  The lady just went on and on about how pretty my nails were.  While they were gone I lost every one of those nails in their house somewhere while taking care of the kids.  I had to hide my hands when she took me home.  I bet they found nails all over their house for who know how long afterwards.  
Strange thing though... they divorced not too terribly long after that.  I would just die if I found out that she had found one of my nails somewhere in her house and thought that he had brought a woman home...

I've had nightmares about that... I really have.  I have never worn those things again.!

By the way, did the home perm thing myself once too.... one side looked like a poodle... the other side didn't take at all.  I looked ridiculous!  Never done that again either!

Fun entry.  
angie

Anonymous said...

Ohhh that was soooo funnyLee press on nails...ohhhhh yeah...I needed that ,,,,,,u made me laugh..just because it's true!!!!!

Anonymous said...

you are adorable, best laugh i had in a while

Anonymous said...

thought that the point when you said you were waiving your potato around all night... i actually DID LOL....   i woke my daughter up and she wanted to know why i was still awake......  she is only 2 1/2, so i had to turn the screen off real quick because anytime the pc is on- dora better be looking at her.....  but i am glad i got to have the laugh. thanks!

Anonymous said...

see, you should appreciate me cuz I'm not going to lie to you: you looked HORRIBLE!! you teeth!ick!! you glasses! ewww, and your face in general....arghhhhhh!!!!!!!!

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