SPELL CHECK, or 'the beauty of poor grammar'.

I've begun the tedious task of archiving my journals in light of the resent TOS epidemic that is sweeping through J-land.  I'm cutting and pasting my entries onto Word, which unlike AOL Journals has a built in spell check.  Oh buddy!  My entries are lit up like a Christmas tree!  There are red and green squiggly lines all over the pages!  I can't possibly be that bad!  Heck, it looks that the spell check just gave up and underlined everything, changing color for a little variety.  It would almost be pretty if it wasn't so embarassing!

SYMPTOMS OF A BLOGGING ADDICTION (repost from June 10, 2004)

* You check your journal more than 10 times a day, or even 10 times an hour

* You have more Journal Comment Alerts in your mailbox than spam

*  Your best friends have screen names and URLs instead of real names and street addresses.

*  You log down the number on your hit counter before you sign off at night and check it first thing in the morning.  You record these numbers for future reference.

*  You have actually been late for work because you were reading your favorite journals.

*  You family has to leave a comment on your journal to get your attention.

*  You turn the volume up when you walk away from the computer so you can hear when the alert alarm sounds.

*  You beg strangers to read yours if you'll read theirs!

*  Being the #1 Editor's Pick is more important to you then winning a Pulitzer Prize.

These are just a few of the many symptoms of Blogaholism.  It is an incurable disease and can only be treated by steady doses of blogging.  So Blog on my friends!

YOU'VE GOT PROBLEMS!

How many bloggers can relate to this:

   You're sitting at the computer and your spouse comes up behind you, requesting your attention.  Without looking up you mumble 'in a second' as you continue to pound the keys or navigate the search engine.  A huff, the unmistakable sound of impatience, but you are too close to your goal and you repeat...'in a second, this is really important'.

"Oh, are you doing the taxes?" comes a surprised query or some equally inane comment.  By this time you are agitated and you turn in your swivel seat.

"No, I am updating my journal!" and with a roll of your eyes and a toss of your head you turn dramatically and return to your mission at hand.  There is a disgusted grunt behind you but you pay no attention to it.  You have journals to read, comments to make.  The life of a blogger is relentless.

If this senerio sounds familiar to you, then you have a problem.  And denial is an even bigger problem.  My advice to take action immediately.  Time is of the essence.  To delay will merely compound the problem.  The solution... move your computer to a private room and lock yourself in!  No more inconvenient interruptions!  It is about time the rest of the world took blogging seriously!

DUST BUNNY CLUB 1ST ANNIVERSARY.

My first journal, Dust Bunny Club Of North America  turned 1 year old yesterday.  There are 365 days in the year... so imagine my surprise when I saw this...

DUST BUNNY CLUB OF NORTH AMERICA       Description: Quite by accident I discovered a new hobby, raising dust bunnies, while diligently pursuing my old hobby of procrastination! Feel free to view my older entries, they go back as far as March.       Updated: 7 minutes, 53 seconds ago (377 entries)

377 entries... in 365 days?  Oh boy, I've got it worse than I thought!

WALKING MAN

I'm just posting this little guy here for a friend of mine (hi Sonny!)... Isn't it just too cool?

COUCH FUNGUS

I mentioned the term 'couch fungus' the other day and was questioned as to what exactly a couch fungus was.  Interestingly enough, for as common as this variety of fungus is, there is no scientific classification for it so this is about the best I can do for a description.

COUCH FUNGUS:  Often mistaken for the common couch potato, couch fungus is actually a human/fungus hybrid.  Usually male, it can be identified as a large mass that adheres to the surface of a couch or sofa, basking in the the low photon illuminations emitted from a widescreen television set, moving only to scrounge for food or to defecate.  The couch fungus is a semi-social fungus and enjoys the company of other fungi where the Alpha-Fungus maintains control over the tv remote and the lessor fungi.  A particular characteristic of the species is that rather than emiting spores, it emits a potent but non-toxic gas which it uses as a defence from any challengers.  Couch fungus feeds on a steady diet of man-made foods notably high in sodium, fat, calories, carbohydrates and alcohol.  They are carnivores and are rarely seen eating vegetation of any kind, except for beans rich in protein which help generate their offensive, defensive gas.  Couch fungus cannot be destroyed, and once it is discovered that your furniture is infested the best course of action is to move the aflicted piece of furniture out to the sidewalk with the fungus still in tact... and place a 'free' sign on it.  When shopping for a new sofa... a mauve floral pattern is recommended.  Cover the surface with clear vinyl to prevent future infestation.  The less comfortable the couch the better.  Couch fungus thrives on big, oversized, comfortable couches.  Rose scented airfresheners are also useful as a repellant.

A relative of the common couch fungus is the cyber-fungus... often found growing on poorly padded swivel chairs basking on the rays emitted from a computer screen.  Cyber-fungus prefers a diet of coffee, sugar free soft drinks mixed with hard liquor, and cookies or brownies!  Cyber fungus is often described as anti-social because they often fore go face to face confrontation but in fact they lead quite an extensive social life with other cyber fungi via the web.

Couch fungus and Cyber fungus are often found in the same home and are in fact quite compatible.  Neither bothers the other and in fact they encourage each other for they know that if the other is content then they will not bother each other.  Complete fungi harmony!

MELT DOWN.......

Boy, and I thought I was having problems with my computer!

I've decided that I will not tolerate being called a Computer Geek, an Online Junkie, or a AOL Addict anymore.  Not unless my husband wants to be called a Telly Tubby or Couch Fungus because truth be known, he spends most of his waking hours infront of the television set, way more time than I do infront of the computer!